"My friend... he's not the straight type."

"You mean he's the crooked type?" I asked.

He grinned. "The curly type." Pause. "You knew what I meant, right?"

"Of course I knew. I was just being difficult."

"Well, you wouldn't want to be easy, would you?"

"So, when will I be seeing you?" I asked.

"Let me get my shit together first."

"You mean your shit is scattered?"

"It hit the fan."

"My goodness! It must be splattered all over!"

"Yes, and the fan was on high speed, too."

"That must really stink."

"Uh-huh."

It is not so much that the grass is greener, as that it's a different shade of green. Nevertheless, this particular shade is starting to make me wonder whether I致e just made a colossal mistake.

Me: "Hope springs eternal in the human breast."

Friend: "Which breast?"

Me: "I suppose the left one, since that's where the heart is located."

Friend: "Not enough space."

Me: "You have that much hope?"

Friend: "Yes, I rent a warehouse and outsource storage."

I am confused between what I want to do, what would be the right thing to do, what she wants me to do, what society says I ought to do, what acceptable thing I could do, and what I think I should do.

I had another "I wish I'd thought of that!" moment today. I chanced upon this site and fell in love with its tagline:

Pesky'apostrophe: Always better than an unexpected period

So much better than "Scribbled Scribblings". Bah!

I first read about Spoonerisms in the Reader's Digest years ago. I love wordplay, so it's no surprise that I find spoonerisms fascinating.

• Chilled greese is delicious (Grilled cheese is delicious)
• It went at the lead of spite (It went at the speed of light)
• That's a lack of pies (That's a pack of lies)
• Remember, wave the sails (Remember, save the whales)
• Know your blows (Blow your nose)
• Go and shake a tower (Go and take a shower)
• Bad news could make your socks stink (Bad news could make your stocks sink)
• He slid into a sparking pace (He slid into a parking space)
• She won't tolerate mad banners (She won't tolerate bad manners)
• I went to mend the sail (I went to send the mail)
• Crawling through the fax (Falling through the cracks)
• I couldn't find the plaster man (I couldn't find the master plan)
• Engine won't start with bat flattery (Engine won't start with flat battery)
• Green belly jeans are the best (Green jellybeans are the best)
• It's roaring with pain (It's pouring with rain)
• I can't eat this jumpy lunk (I can't eat this lumpy junk)
• Hiss and leer (Listen here)
• I ended up chewing the doors (I ended up doing the chores)
• Written with a nasty smash (Smitten with a nasty rash)
• Such a gloomy flock of bats (Such a gloomy block of flats)
• She disappeared after giving me a white slave (She disappeared after giving me a slight wave)
• I spoke with the rental deceptionist (I spoke with the dental receptionist)
• Don't pet the sweaty things (Don't sweat the petty things)
• I see monk jail every day (I see junk mail every day)
• I'm having a healthy soul of ballad (I'm having a healthy bowl of salad)
• I bumped into the deadroom bore (I bumped into the bedroom door)
• He will be merely dissed (He will be dearly missed)
• They ate keys and parrots (They ate peas and carrots)
• He ran to burst face (He ran to first base)
• He stood, ready as a stock (He stood, steady as a rock)
• Throw out the wordy daughter (Throw out the dirty water)
• What a dirty pimple (What a pretty dimple)
• I love tickled parts (I love pickled tarts)
• He always has thirty dots (He always has dirty thoughts)
• I hanged my bed (I banged my head)
• She drank a cup of sea poop (She drank a cup of pea soup)
• I guessed it bite off the rat (I guessed it right off the bat)
• Don't give up, leap cooking (Don't give up, keep looking)

More here, here, and here.

Came across this proverb years ago as a child and loved it. If you've ever had one of those conversations which degenerates into "I know you know I know you know I know that he robbed the bank", you'll understand why.

He who knows and knows he knows, he is a wise man; seek him.
He who knows and knows not he knows, he is asleep; wake him.
He who knows not and knows he knows not, he is a child; teach him.
He who knows not and knows not he knows not, he is a fool; shun him!

"My fan died."

"Poof?"

"Poof."