A friend sent me a link to this site: Home to all the freaks, weirdos and misfits of the literary world, the site proclaims.

I clicked on 'General discussion' and was greeted by threads titled "Euphamisms", "Who do you write for?", and "Fuckers its like a fucking holiday..."

Writers who can't spell and haven't the first clue when it comes to grammar. Not a good sign.

I think a bookshop would be the perfect place to meet a man. We would bump into each other in the 'Writing' section and instantly connect over a common love for the English language, a common fascination for words and all that words can do. We'd continue our conversation over tea, discovering everything we can about each other. And the rest, as you know, would be history.

I think I've watched You've Got Mail a tad too many times.

Grammar and I are strangers to each other. Verbs, adverbs, nouns, adjectives, pronouns, prepositions, conjunctions, articles — they're all names of distant acquaintances. When I bump into any of them, I say "Hi," then add, "you look very familiar, but I'm afraid I don't really remember who you are..."

Luckily for me, I might not remember their names, but most of the time I know where they belong. When I write, I put them in place by instinct. I trust my inner ear, who tells me whether the sentence sounds right.

It's funny, really — I can tell you when something is wrong, and I can tell you what is wrong, but I can't tell you why it's wrong. Who can explain grammar anyway?

Remember when I asked, Who can explain grammar anyway?"

It was a rhetorical question. However, apparently William Safire can. I am in love with his book, How Not To Write. Not only does Safire explain grammar, he does so with tongue firmly in cheek. I never believed a book on grammar could be so entertaining; if, prior to this, you'd told me I would chuckle over rules of grammar, I would have thought you soft in the head.

It's not just Safire's humour that draws me, however. It's his — at times — almost poetic turn of phrase. His description of the semicolon as "a form of punctuation that makes a full stop but continues to dribble" caused me to tumble head over heels in love.

Unlike the period, which decisively separates complete thoughts, or the comma, which gently separates phrases, the semicolon is the Cleopatra of punctuation marks; she separates and connects at the same time, making hungry where most she satisfies.

How could I resist? It would have taken a harder heart than mine to remain impervious.

Text message from tactless male:
Ever wonder where the word 'simpleton' came about? Well, since you're single, I propose we call you a 'singleton'. What say you?

Irritated reply:
The word has already been coined. You obviously don't read chick lit; Bridget Jones's Diary popularised the term.

In fact, the word 'singleton' caught on quickly and has seen widespread usage ever since Bridget Jones became a surprise bestseller, selling six million copies in 33 countries. So much so that the term 'singleton' was included in the Oxford English Dictionary in June 2001.

One can't, in all conscience, fault a man for steering clear of chick lit; one can, however, fault him for being oblivious to the world around him and making lame attempts at humour.

Ten days. Ten days of silence. I seem to go through periods when the creativity is simply bursting out of me and nothing can stem the tide of words. I write furiously, then the well dries up and I am left wordless.

It hasn't helped that I've been feeling as if my life has run away with me lately. Or, more accurately, run away without me.

Characters are the most important aspect of a novel to me. They must be strong, vulnerable and flawed to be believable.
—Theresa Michaels

I think the temptation is to make one's characters perfect, or at least free from suffering. Unfortunately, real people not only aren't perfect, they also suffer. It is difficult to make one's characters suffer, but needs must.

I wonder whether companies read their own PR spiels. This is from a company that sells a high-end brand of bottled mineral water - let's call the brand MW, for 'mineral water'. Watch them wax poetic about their new packaging:

The bottle now adopts a slender and ergonomical shape…

The Oxford English Dictionary defines 'ergonomic' as

1. The study of people’s efficiency in their working environment
2. Designed to be conducive to efficient use

With the new bottle, discerning consumers are better equipped to experience MW's distinctly natural taste and its healthy detox benefits without any hassle. It ensures that your body gets the unique MW healthy treatment whenever and wherever you need it.

Spiels like this bring the term 'bullshit' to a whole new level. I am reminded why I swore I would never go into PR — firstly, kissing ass stinks, and secondly, bullshit also stinks.

Dear friend. I heard that some apartments have 972 square feet. I've only got two feet. What do I need so many feet for? By the way, how are u?

Only a male would send a text message as lame as that.

Yes, the same male who sent this one.

Insomnia: Standing on the brink of sleep but never quite falling in.